Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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