Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
