i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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