I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
