Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
