I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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