I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
