Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
