oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My balls are so social today.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
