As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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