Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
