sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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