i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
