Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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