it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
