Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
