Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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