i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
