I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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