you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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