Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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