Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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