Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize