Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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