I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
