sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
