I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
