So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
