just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
