Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
