Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
