I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I didn't notice because vodka
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
