used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
