she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
