just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
