We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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