I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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