I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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