Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
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