five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
