after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
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That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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