Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
