Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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