then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
