Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize