I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
