grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
