Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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