Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
