question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
