i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
