Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
