Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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