My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
