Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
