Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
