Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
