I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
