Me too!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
