When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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