does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
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mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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