I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
