you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Drake has all the answers
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
