Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
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I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
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About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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