Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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