Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
