I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
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He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
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And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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