if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
