so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
