Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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