What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
