i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
