Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
