Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
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There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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