If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
