And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
