I wanna passion pit in your ass
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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