I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Drake has all the answers
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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