I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
