Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
