Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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