I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
