porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
