Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
