And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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