people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
