Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
