You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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