I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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